Forgiveness, can you, do it?

How Unforgiveness can hurt

As many other people have done, I have also dealt with unforgiveness. Being very firm in my desire to forever hate my ex for his misdeeds and betrayal. In my continued reading and hearing people tell me to let it go.  I thought to myself, “Let it Go!”, after what he did to me? 

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Photo by Marsel Hasanllari on

I began to suffer with depression and anger. The term “I’d hit that” took on a whole new meaning. One day, I saw a picture of him looking so happy in his new life.


While I, on the other hand, was miserable, sad, and broken. I got mad and jealous of the fact that he was happy, and I wasn’t. Mind you, a picture does not denote real happiness as it is just a picture.  Nevertheless, he looked way to happy for me.

  I was no going to allow him to be happy while I was not. It was at that point; I knew that the key to my happiness was to forgive him and let go of my anger.  It took a little time, but I slowly released the hurt.

Somewhere along the way to healing, I realized I wasn’t angry anymore. If I could give forgiveness a new definition, I would call it Self-Love.


It is true that unforgiveness is powerful.  It can capture your joy and your peace and hold you captive in a place filled with anger while never allowing joy and happiness to thrive. Unforgiveness acts as a poison that only kills the person who holds onto it.

One other type of forgiveness, often overlooked, but probably the most important, is the ability to forgive oneself. It is said that a person can be harder on him or herself than anyone else.  Offering forgiveness to someone gives them the ability to move away from pain and sorrow. The ability to forgive yourself has the very same ability.  


We all have expectation. We want to be able to trust unconditionally. It is okay to offer that type of trust but the person giving it must remember that he or she will be offering it to another human; filled with flaws and their own insecurities; capable of disappointing others just as you are.


Maybe the first step in the ability to forgive is accepting the fact that no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes.  By accepting this fact, we are better able to offer, give and receive forgiveness